you would think i'd be used to this.

nearly 5 years of ordained ministry and i'm still surprised.

this afternoon we're having a funeral.  

the first of three in the next two weeks, all of whom were hospitalized last week while the head of staff was on vacation.  so, they were primarily my pastoral care responsibility. and i took care of them in whatever ways i could.

over the course of the week, it became clear that one of our hospitalized parishioners was not going to get better.  the family chose to keep him comfortable and let nature take its course.  during this time i had visits with the wife and daughters, time spent reflecting on what was happening and on the life they were privileged to share.  

however, it became clear during this time that the daughters were holding their breath, hoping dad would last until head of staff came back from vacation. they were kind, generous, polite, and affirming, but were quick to clarify dates of return and the like.

ok, no big deal. really. i'm new here.  head of staff discussed it with me on the phone, insisting that it he would support me in taking the lead in the service, promising that if this is what i wanted then he would be my back up.

someone's funeral really didn't seem like the time to teach a lesson about the viability of women in ministerial leadership, so i told head of staff that if the family wanted him i was not offended by that.  and i wasn't.  head of staff had an ongoing relationship with mom and dad - it only makes sense from my standpoint that he lead the service.

then we find ourselves on this monday morning.  they are having a memorial luncheon across the hall from the office.  i make it my policy to stay out of the way as much as possible.  typically speaking at this point i have had lots of time with the grieving family and want to make room for those who haven't had a chance to share their condolence or memories of the deceased.

i'm sitting in my office, plowing away at the gifts of women service we'll be doing in a couple of weeks. daughter number one comes into the office and tells our secretary - "i want to make sure that the pastor knows he's invited to eat lunch with us.  will you please let him know.'

now this woman knows i'm a pastor, she knows i'm in the building.  what she doesn't know is that i can hear her. the pastor. singular. male. me - a little angry, a little frustrated, a little hurt.

then our secretary, katie, wonderful, wonderful katie, knocks on my door and tells me that the family has invited the pastors (plural!) to eat with them.  See, she knows that i could hear daughter number one and katie is nothing if not full of support and caring for her entire pastoral staff. gender notwithstanding. i'm blessed to have her.

nearly 5 years of ordained ministry and i'm still surprised.  

lets hope the katies of the world always surprise.