losing and finding

today was an interesting day in kansas - maybe not for everyone, but certainly for this house.


the morning was good, sleeping in a bit after sunday responsibilities, reading some books with baby a before getting the day on full start.  a and i come downstairs to have breakfast and finish getting ready, expecting j to join us pretty soon.


and pretty soon he does.  all in a panic. because he cannot find his wallet.  it is misplaced.  lost. over the next 20 minutes he becomes more and more anxious, almost inconsolable.  having been in that exact position more times than i can count, i turn on a few episodes of children's tv and get to searching too.


but it doesn't get any better.  the wallet is nowhere.  its disappeared off the face of the earth.  and j is still getting more worried.  about cancelling his credit cards, about having to apply for a replacement license (in kansas no less), about getting his checks to the bank. (which has nothing to do with his wallet being lost.  he could still deposit them without id as long as he has a deposit slip.  besides, the banks are closed on president's day.  but you can bet i didn't say any of that!) 


as he gets more worked up, i get more and more frustrated.  baby a is quickly picking up on the anxiety in the air and is getting clingy and cry-y. maggie is dodging from corner of the room to corner of the room, trying to hide behind me as i search downstairs cause she's scared too.  not the best emotional and mental environment to start the day or the week.


as the minutes tick by and the anger/frustration of the entire house continues to rise, i find myself slamming the drawers i'm searching through, biting my tongue when j enters the room flustered.  i wanna just snap  calm down.  if you would put things in the same place every day you wouldn't have this problem.  how many times have i told you that.  do you ever listen?  but i don't.  because i know he already feels bad and he's already worried. and because i love him. 


see, 5 years has taught me that marriage is all about not saying everything you think all the time because you know how your partner already feels.  and because you love them.  it's an unwritten code that we both follow - a golden rule of marriage if you will.  i don't want to be yelled at when i'm already at the end of my rope and neither does he.  do unto others and all that.  


finally he snaps a little at me (you could stop asking why and stay out of my way) and i snap back (FINE).  then j takes a deep breath, turns and tells me to take baby a to childcare and sends me to work cause life goes on.  he stays and searches the house from top to bottom.


i call periodically during the day to check on j, but no luck.  


when baby a and i return 7 hours later there is still no wallet to be found. j is much calmer, a bit tired, but in a better place.  


but the house is cleaner than its been in a LONG time. so something good comes from it.