Monday, November 30, 2009

Giving Thanks

(because I was preaching this sunday i didn't get a chance to post about our thanksgiving extravaganza trip to georgia and back.  so here's goes!)
j and i were both hard a work right up until we left on wednesday.  my installation as pastor at fpc lawrence was on sunday afternoon and we had family and guests with us for the weekend (which included my and carrie's birthday - and a showing of wicked) so it was all in all a very good weekend.  just a quick turn around.
i was worried about flying with ains cause she would be sitting in our laps.  we just flat couldn't afford to get her a seat (although in the future that won't be an option).  we upgraded to business class and she was incredibly well behaved for a 2 year old. i didn't even need the anxiety medicine that i brought.  :)

gramps picked us up at the airport and the weather was georgeous - but the traffic was not.  eventuallly we made it to athens and ains got to see grandma grace, aunt ruby, and grammy  (who she was the most excited to see!).


that night, james, jim, darlene and i played hearts and had some fun.  it had been a long  time since i played cards and i was never any good at hearts so I just prepared to have a good time losing (looks like living in the duplex taught me something!).  I did at one point run the table, but lost anyway.  still oodles and oodles of fun.
thanksgiving morning as we waited for uncle brian and lily to arrive from nc and aunt kelly from the atl, we decided to explore campus.  i'd never been on uga campus before and it was beautiful. the sun and the fall foliage made me miss georgia very much.  ainsley was a trooper - got her picture taken with a bulldog statue and walked all across campus.  on the way home we drove by peter buck's house - apparently darlene took piano lessons in it when she was a girl.  :)


back at grandma graces everyone was there and so we started eating.  it was very nice to be with family and to be relaxed for a while.  it was fantastic  to see kelly and to spend some time bsing and laughing.   after her nap, aunt kelly tried to teach ainsley how to roll down a hill - with limited success. but lots of fun.  

the flight home was pretty painless - hartsfield jackson was empty and the plane was pretty empty.  j slept and ains and i colored and looked out the window.  got our car, got maggie back from her dogsitters and headed home. spent saturday not writing my sermon and playing in the basement with ainsley.  fantastic holiday.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

A melody of Hope

If you were to ask me who was my favorite author, it would be a very difficult question to answer – there are just too many that I hold close, for a variety of reasons.  But if I were to narrow it down to a handful, then Kurt Vonnegut would be in that handful. 
Many of us who enjoyed the novels of Kurt Vonnegut were surprised to read these words among his last public utterances before his death in 2007:  “No matter how bad things may get for me, the music will still be wonderful.  My epitaph, should I ever need one, God forbid: “the only proof he ever needed of the existence of God was music.” 
            Although this was unexpected from the Kurt Vonnegut depicted in his writings, I’m right there with him.  I am a music person – I love all types of it.  I grew up in a family that was singing parts during hymns as early as I can remember.  In fact, one of the most exciting things about my commute is that I have 2 hours each day to listen to what I want to.
            As we enter the season of advent, music plays a large role in setting the stage - It only takes a few bars of “Let all mortal Flesh keep silence” and I’ve got chills and it feels like December.  – or skipping to the final act as many of you who were brave enough to venture shopping this weekend no doubt discovered.  We have chosen to look at O Come, O Come, Emmanuel as our lens into Advent here at FPC.  It looks a little different than the hymn in your hymnal, but you’ll see all about that in the coming weeks.
            The opening verses O Come and our texts this morning help to place us in proper perspective for the start of our church year – remembering our pasts and looking to our future, reminding us of who we are, and whose we are, not something we’re always willing to hear.  Psalm 25 (like many of the psalms) allows us in.  The open-endedness of the unnamed ‘enemy’ provides us space so we can each identify with the psalm in our own circumstance.  “The enemy could be a badly performing economy that has left us destitute and ashamed, a friend who has abandoned us, or a political leader who proves to be a bitter disappointment[1]” as easily as it could be Babylonian soilders or roman guards.
As we move through the passage the focus goes from other as the source of the lament to an understanding of self-identity as “the writer moves from the circumstantial challenge of needing to be saved from persons called enemies to personal recognition of a need to be taught and finally to repent[2].”  Like children, we come before God, tattling and laying blame before finally recognizing and owning the role we play in each situation.  We cry out ‘ O Come our Wisdom, To us the path of knowledge show, teach us in her ways to go!’
We know the story, we repeat the affirmations, we mouth the promise, but when we’re honest with ourselves we know that at times our confidence in the promises wavers and we trust in that which is less than God. It is during the Advent season that we recognize and remember that we are exiles.  We are the ransom captives.  Too often we’re the ones wandering in the wilderness complaining about the beauty and riches of our own egypts.  We look to our jobs, our intelligence, our prestige, our money, our friends to fill the holes in our lives.  We lose sight of the vision; we give up hope and settle for the things in front of us, the things our culture offers. 
The Psalmist helps to reorient us.  The psalm declares that “YHWH is not instrumental to the hope of Israel, but YHWH is in fact the very substance of that hope.[3]” The very same carries over into our experience. This is the hope to which advent invites us, the fulfillment of the promise that, in all aspects of our living, God will provide for us, take care of us, save us.  This is the hope of which Jeremiah speaks.      
In the midst of exile – of death and destruction Jeremiah tells his audience that God’s future will come not by giving up on God’s promises and making the best of a bad situation – you know ‘when in Babylon’ – but by trusting in the creative and redemptive and sure purposes of God[4].  “The days are surely coming.”  We, like Jeremiah’s exiles are encouraged to grasp the importance of waiting, anticipating, and trusting in a promised future that seems much removed from our current circumstance.
As I listen to the cries of Jeremiah I long for the day that is coming when the poor are not sent to shelters or forced to sleep on the streets.  I long for the day we have no tolerance for violence, when we stop producing body bags because there are no solders to fill them.  I long for the day that is surely coming when our world is no longer torn asunder by racism, sexism and homophobia.  I long for the day when justice rolls down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream.
Advent is precious because it comes to us at the darkest of times, when we need it the most.  Dwelling in the bleak midwinter, waiting with expectation of the new life spring will bring.  Advent serves to take us out of our patterns and reassure us that there is something greater, and more powerful than our unnamed enemies, more powerful than ourselves.  It shakes our day to day reality, lifting our eyes from the ground and refocusing them on what’s ahead – God’s promised future.    
Advent invites us to look toward the fulfillment of human history, to the ongoing process of redemption and salvation and to God‘s continuing activity in our own lives.  It invites us to hope – for a greater life, a better world, a more just future.  So, even in our darkest days we hear the echoing, haunting refrain: Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to thee o Israel, and we place our trust in that melody of hope that gives us strength and carries us forward. 


[1] Roger J Gench.  Psalm 25:1-10 Pastoral Perspectives pg 10.
[2] Rosetta E. Ross. Psalm 25:1-10, Theological Perspectives Feasting on the Word year C Page 8
[3] Walter Bruggeman.  Theology of the Old Testament: Testimony, Dispute, Advocacy (Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 1997), 497.
[4] Gary W Charles.  Jeremiah 33:14-16 Homiletical Perspectives  pg 5.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

mini-me

since ainsley moved out of the baby stage and into the toddler stage the comparisons between us have gotten stronger, at least in the family.  outsiders are still split about whether she looks like me or looks like her dad, but family and friends are adamant that we're carbon copies of each other.  the first time our friend ed saw her he started calling her 'mini-mary' - and that stuck.

all of this to say - i don't see it.  i know she's blonde and all but i think she looks more like her dad than me, especailly when you take into account baby pictures.  she is almost the spitting image of james at that age.  when people gasp and exclaim how much she looks like me, i tend to smile and brush it off. its a compliment cause she's adorable (and i'm naturally biased) but i didn't get it.

however today i was driving her to celia's and we were rocking along to our favorite cd - both singing and dancing in the car.  I couldn't really see her in the rear view mirror so at a stop light i flipped up the vanity  mirror to get a glimpse of her.

she looked exactly like me.  she was making the same face, holding her hands the same way, bopping her head as she sang along.  every single mannerism she made was an exact copy of me. it was incredibly creepy to essentially be looking at two of me in the mirror.

and it was really really awesome.

but now all day i've been thinking about how i'm going to have to be very careful of what i say or do around her.  she is incredibly perceptive and doesn't miss a thing - much like her canine sister - and i need to  be more aware of the fact that she doesn't only repeat what i say but the actions i make.

scary.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

random thoughts

today we had a trombone choir from KU come and play during worship.  beautiful music. great sound, very mellow and enjoyable.
unless you were sitting between the windows and the trombones, where just enough light made it possible to see every drop of liquid that flew to the ground during their performance.
guess where i was sitting.

and my lunchtime meal today is sponsored by memories of people i love.
 microwave pizza a la granny
bolthouse farms vanilla chai tea from bill nickels
 a few yogurt covered pretzels that remind me of seminary.
yea memories.

you gotta find something to celebrate when its 40 and raining outside.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

how my name got hyphenated against my wishes OR getting a kansas driver's license

my kansas driver's license came in the mail today.  .
one wednesday (a LONG time ago) we decided as a family to go get our driver's licenses.  we dropped ains off at celia's and headed toward the super secret dmv j knew about. 
2 1/2 hour wait. we both went back to work.

j returned to the other dmv that afternoon a recieved his license.  
so the trip was 1/2 a success.

on friday i went to the dmv and stood in line for 10 minutes for them to tell me that since my marriage certificate was not certified it didn't count.  nevermind that i had my national organization professional card and social security card with both names.  failure # 2.

call fulton county courthouse (you can always just come down and pick one up honey! um, no i can't) and then mail them a signed letter with a self-addressed stamped envelope and a money order for $5 (that took $6 to buy). 
 two weeks later certified copy of certificate arrives.  now the fun starts.

returned to the dmv a couple of friday's later (can't get there during work and am not stupid enough to try on saturday).  no one is waiting, everyone is very nice - if ribbing me about north carolina AND texas.


hand my paper over to the guy at the computer and tell him i want my first maiden and last names on my id.  he can't do that. i produce my social security card that has that as my legal name and he won't take it.  in fact i'm told that he can refuse to process my application since my birth certificate and my social secutiry card do not match. but he's just going to pretend that he didn't see it.

my brain: of course my birth certificate and my social security card don't match. i've been married for five years. that doesn't even make sense.
my mouth: Thank you sir.

he then proceeds to tell me he can either list first middle and last or first middle maiden-last but no other combination.  we talk (very politely for a while) about what other combinations i could do (none), why what the federal government and another state think is fine kansas has to balk at,  then looking at my watch and realizing i had company on the way to my house i said fine, my name is not hyphenated but i want my maiden name on the license. so do it.

i think the worst is over. he begins processing the paperwork and without even looking at me says 'are you going through a divorce or something?' what? i look at him quizzically and he continues 'cause your really obsessed wtih this maiden name thing.'

until this moment i had been calm, kind and reasonable.  i had been bounced around from place to place and not given any reason other than 'this is the way we do it here in kansas' ( imagine a john wayne voice).   i stood to my fill height (not so impressive to be sure) looked down my nose through my glasses and said in a rather loud voice - 'no my husband and i are happily married. all of my professional degrees are in my maiden name.  not that that is any of your business.'

he had the grace to look a little startled but then shrugged and went right back to his work. i had my picture taken by a very nice lady and 10 days later my license appears in the mail. i've only now begun to wonder what this means in the bigger picture. 

kansas - full of weird and strange customs. 

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

last wednesday started off with a bang. literally.

i ran the passenger side view mirror of my car into the garage.  i saw that i was going to do it and tried to fix it to no avail.  i'm not so good with a stick shift in an emergency.

so after i screamed and beat my fists onto the steering wheel i tried to call hubby for some help - only to hear his cell phone ringing inside the house. commence cursing.  i left a message with the babysitter for husband to come home.  then i called my mom.  and cried.

it was the end of a LONG weekend - j's installation, family, halloween - and i was at the end of my rope.  ainsley seemed to be getting a cold, james was feeling bad and i was swamped with work.  so i pitched a fit and cried.  talked about the list of things that were stressing me out. said 'it can't get much worse'.

cut to 8 hours later standing in the er with j. don't ever test the gods.

long story short - james is fine.  he is diabetic (much to our surprise). 4 days in the hospital and a couple of days recovery and we're both back at work.  yet those 4 days were surreal. in these situations i'm either the one in the hospital bed or the professional there to offer support.  i've not spent much time as the 'concerned spouse'.  especially with a man who hadn't been hospitalized since his birth. (actual conversation: i'm thirsty and i'm out of water. push the call button. NO! i don't want to disturb the nurse. j, that's what its THERE for)



7 days later j has bounced back, is ready for work, feels better than he has in a while.  ainsley seems to have kicked her cold and has been having a bang up time with grammy and her new lil md kit - checking everyone's blood pressure and dispensing shots a bit zealously. maggie is not a fan.

i'm more exhausted than before with 4 days worth of work on my desk and night meetings all week.  not sure whether to laugh or to cry.

:)

Monday, November 2, 2009

Cloud of Witnesses - John 11:32-44

Death is something we all face, something that we think about and experience multiple times in our lives and each time it’s a bit different.  If we are honest with ourselves the majority of the time we turn a blind eye to death.  People die all around us and we turn our backs on the suffering.  Paradoxically when we experience death close to us it is something that stays with us.  I think it’s because we like to think of ourselves as superheroes.  We’ve spent countless amounts of time and billions of dollars deluding ourselves that we are the decision makers – that we are the masters of the universe; or at the very least our own destiny. Death consistently reminds us that this is not the case.
Our scripture this morning finds Jesus in the midst of struggling with these exact issues.  His friend Lazarus is dead – and it seems like Jesus took his sweet time getting there. As he approaches Bethany, Martha meets him, followed quickly by Mary and loads of others grieving the loss of a dear friend and brother.  Mary and Martha are certain that were Jesus just a bit quicker Lazarus would still be alive.  People surround him – including his disciples – and you can just hear them gathered in groups and whispering to themselves. ‘Man, he loved him!’  and ‘He healed a blind man. Couldn’t he have saved Lazarus?’
Jesus is balancing all the needs of the people and his own as he stands in the face of death.  We can only imagine what he feels as he approaches the tomb.  The text tells us that he was ‘disturbed in spirit’, but I think that’s a tad unfair. –Translations point us toward his sadness, his anger, and his frustration.  How many of us have felt those things in the face of death?  Jesus – knowing what was to come, both for himself and others – walks to the stone that was rolled away and calls Lazarus out of the darkness into new life.  (sound familiar?)
One of the reasons that this text shows up on All Saint’s Sunday is because Jesus’ response to Lazarus’ death has some insights into our understanding and dealings with death.  The text deals fairly with the reality of death.  Lazarus was dead.  Three days in the tomb.  This was no accident, no false reporting.  His family and friends were worried about the state of his body when Jesus announced his intention to open the tomb.  We find Mary and Martha are absorbed with grief – attempting to understand what is happening to them and what it might mean for the future.  And yet, Jesus does not stand aloof from the humanness that surrounds him.  Jesus wept. He is deeply disturbed at death’s devastating force.[1]
Death is a reality in our lives.  We suffer and those we love suffer.  Our comfort is in knowing that God suffers with us.  The power of the God of our ancestors is that there is nothing for us to fear anymore!  We have been set free, looking forward to a promised day. In a very certain sense Lazarus’ story is our story, for we have already died once in baptism.  Jesus calls us out by name from death to life and gives us daily a new beginning.[2]  It is as if the text is telling us “See – here now before you lie to die – the resurrection and the life in him.  See in him the God who is (present tense) victor over death.  Then live as though the Eternal were now because God is.  Live as though you belong, in life and in death, to God.”[3]
And so we hold tight to God’s promises – that every tear shall be wiped away and the sting of death will be no more.  We hear God call from Isaiah to Revelation “See I am making all things new” and know that WE are those things being made new each and every day.  We are sent out to live as people free from the shroud Isaiah speaks of, free from the fear of death and sent into the world.
We have each been touched by someone along our faith journey – somewhere along the way we wouldn’t be here without other people. It might be more people than we can count, or it might be a single individual.  We might have long standing relationships or simple fleeting moments of God’s presence between us.  No matter when, where, how or how many it is those moments that have helped bring us to this place in life. 
When we celebrate all saints day, we are not just remembering people who are gone.  We are also  not just remembering people who are hallowed – perfect visions of God’s love in the world.  Those people don’t exist. We are none of those things – nor are the people we remember today.  Martin Luther reminded us that we are simultaneously in one instant saint and sinner.  In our imperfections we give witness to the lavish love of God, who receives us by grace and knits us all together in one holy church, the body of Christ.[4] On All Saint’s Day we celebrate how God acts in and through us to build the kingdom in the world. 
This became crystal clear to me about two years ago.  I can say with honesty and in love that my grandmother was no saint.  Regardless, she was a heck of a grandmother.  She was an elementary school teacher and her love of reading is something that she passed to my mother and then on to both my brother and I.  Ainsley was born almost exactly one year to the day after we buried her.  In my house I have a book that Granny used to read to hundreds of children in Marshall Texas, a book that she read to me as I grew up.  My mother and I read it to Ainsley now.  Ainsley will never know my grandmother, and yet she is covered in her fingerprints. 
It is much the same with the communion of the saints. Every time we ordain someone for office in the church there is a moment called the laying on of hands.  All the ordained individuals present come forward and place their hand on the ordinand, or on the people in front of them.  They make a web of people, a web of support and connection between God’s children. At times I’ve seen nearly entire churches come forward to stand with one individual.  In the same way, when we gather – and at all other moments in our lives – the hands of the saints that have passed and the saints to come touch us, and surround us.  They hold us up, and they carry us forward.  These saints are not just people who give of themselves unselfishly, they are people with sharp tongues and quick tempers.  We celebrate them all because we are –together- children of God.  This is the beauty of All Saint’s Sunday. 
 “On this day we are invited to see not only the depth (reaching back through the generations who have gone before) but also the breadth (seeing the array of the saints as they assemble around the world) of the people of God.”[5] We are brought together to recognize our connection to one another and how we carry the faith forward in ways large and small, seen and unseen.  It is this table that is the clearest sign of the thread God weaves in all our lives.  It is here that we gather with all those who have gone, and all those to come to be united in mission and ministry.  We are fed, we are blessed, and we are sent out – to be saints for the world.  We live firmly into the hope of that statement, always recognizing that it is God’s work we do, and that we are not alone.


[1] Beverly Gaventa, Texts for Preaching: Year B (Louisville: Westminster John Knox Press, 1993), pg 612.
[2] Phyllis Kersten, Theolog: Blogging toward Sunday: Saints with and without Haloshttp://theolog.org/2009/10/blogging-toward-sunday-saints-with-and.html (October 26th, 2009)
[3] Cynthia A. Jarvis, Pastoral Perspective: John 11:32-44, Preaching the Word, ed. David L Bartlett and Barbara Brown Taylor (Louisville: Westminster John Knox Press), pg 240.
[4] Phyllis Kersten.
[5] Luke Bouman, “All Saints Day: Theological Themes”, Lectionary Homiletics  (October and November 2009): 41-42.